The Other Side of Reality!!

What can I say? 
Almost a year has passed since I was able to update this blog, where do I begin?
OK
After coming back from Germany I moved to London, got an amazing job in an inner city school (certainly an eye opener that one!)
and then there is the traveling.
Took Toby to New York for New Year, played with a dodge charger and drove it to Philadelphia.
Went to Berlin at February half term.
Went to Paris over the Easter weekend, and came back with a boot full of wine : )
I am currently visiting Mr T before I go back to the smoke and jet off again on Thursday to Prague (with a day excursion to Vienna)
So if anyone asks me whether it was a mistake to go to London with Jase?
Hmmm let me think (2 second count)  err NO!!!

It isn't often we get a second chance in life...
An opportunity after years of just existing to live again
to love and be loved in return
I have that chance for a new life with someone who loves me, not for how I can help them or what I can do for them, but just because they want to be with me and enjoy my company.
I have an opportunity to be in a relationship that is loving and fulfilling both emotionally and physically
To be with someone who cares as much about my well being as I do his
I believe most people would think I was a fool if I did not grasp this opportunity with both hands
How often do we find real love

Had dinner with a friend on Saturday night who left to work in another school
She had been talking to other members of our staff she keeps in touch with
and it would appear tongues are wagging
Apparently It has been noticed that the new American teacher and I are getting very cozy
Oooohh a reputation at last
I'm sure I can exploit this somehow   ; D
Went to pick up Toby from dormarth's house on Sunday morning
they had been playing WOW all night
I think Stan had fed him too many E numbers and sugar
after several rounds of dueling in T.rex form in the kitchen
this entails not extending your arms but biting and hissing a lot and scratching with your feet while making ridiculous T.rex noises.
I think you get the measure of the silliness
I ended up lying on the kitchen floor crying with laughter
I have to say it is true what they say about laughter it does make you feel so much better
Although I think Pete was glad to get rid of us, we were a little noisy when he was trying to work....( sorry Pete )

T is about to start college and in his small rainforest of paperwork was a request for monetary contributions along with an envelope for the said contribution to be placed in (I like an optimist)
Unfortunately for them instead of money they got this letter
I do hope they see the funny side fortunately for T I have kept it annonymous   :p

Dear Sir,

With regard to your tradition that at the start of the college year you make a direct appeal for contributions to help improve facilities in the college….
Let me regale you with a little scenario of my own…

Picture if you will a standard family unit of 2.4 children (not sure where the .4 bit is just yet) anyway…..
As you will appreciate there are certain financial requirements and demands made by ones offspring. Clothing and footwear last barely a week at some stages of the growth cycle, which is quite apart from the designer label habits that some acquire.
The transitory hobbies and latest fads are also a huge conduit for ones rapidly depleting resources to channel down.
Annual events such as Christmas, the birthday and if one is very lucky the family holiday!  Which has to be taken during the summer holidays, much to the delight of travel agents everywhere due to their making it the most expensive time of the year, and all to avoid disrupting the education of our youth.

There is always some new toy, clothing, music or electronic equipment that is a must have for our issue, who are ever eager to strip us of as much of our assets as is humanly or in some cases inhumanly possible. So as you can imagine your request for yet more of my hard earned cash to be channelled once more into the never ending coffers of my progeny, met with the disapproval of my camel!

I will elucidate.

 Your request for money was the straw that sent my camel of in search of a chiropractor for his soon to be broken back.
He hailed a taxi….
got in…..
wound down the window……
raised his middle digit in a gesture of defiance….
and fucked off. 

He took your donation with him to pay for his therapy of which he will need huge amounts due to endless years of abuse
I therefore hope you will understand when I say how sorry I am that I am unable to make a contribution at this time. : D

Yours Sincerely
A Parent

Its been one of those weeks when everything has been a little surreal
I have been doing summer school at the university and I knew i was in  trouble when dormarth  kept trying to tell me that my very cute student helper Adam .. whom he had never met by the way ....was batting for his team.
 now normaly I just ignore his rantings but this time was a little spooky when Adam brought his ...' friend '... James to help
Hhmm okay 1 to dormarth
But all this week I have had things moving around in the house or turning up somewhere when I was sure I had put them somewhere else
I keep thinking I am going mad  (not one word Stan or I get out the wax doll and the pins again and you know which area I will target first)
Anyway today because it was the last day we decided to raffle off some of the resources for charity
I had my eye on this beautiful Indian throw...
I was joking all morning with the kids that it had been fixed and that I had the winning ticket

Guess what???

Yes I won it !!!!.......Try explaining that one

So I am just letting everyone know that I have the winning ticket for the lottery jackpot for tomorrow ....okay     :D

 I have broken Starbug the little Mac dormarth lent me  : (
So I have been traversing the minefield of scams known as fleabay to try and find a replacement
It was the proverbial straw that  my camel took one look at hailed a taxi and fucked off...........
some people seem to have a midas touch and breeze through everything without a problem
anyway everything just caught up with me and I have been feeling really down
wanted a point to it all....Silly I know
even smart people dont know what the point is, or if there is one !
 So here endeth my philosophical quest for purpose
Although I do believe the future is not set
I just need to figure out how to change it

Well the show was an amazing success !!
After all the panic and the last minute alterations
Everything and everyone pulled together
And when the kids got on that catwalk they were a triumph
every single one of them......
I think It will be a long time before  anything that good is put on again
Now its the hard bit we have to get them down after the high to tie up all the loose ends
I just feel sad that its  all over  and there is nothing left to look forward too or work towards
So many of my friends are leaving in 5 weeks the place wont be the same
And others plan to go as soon as they find something
Don't know what I am going to do without them the place certainly wont be the same
those left  are not prepared to put themselves out to make things happen
So if I can find something else I think I might go too
Anyone got a job?

some random images that amused me

I do  believe that things  are slowly getting back to normal 
Whatever your definition of normal might be? 
For me its not feeling so ill and isolated,  I feel there is a future again 
Its mostly thanx to  dormarth  even though he is going through his own problems at the moment  
he still found time to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry! 
I can never repay him for that 
Although his lack of supermarket training is still a problem 
The poor boy in Tesco's last night didn't know what to make of us 

I still can't  get onto live journal from home despite Stan trying his best to sort it for me 
But I can cope with some things falling apart just not everything at once 
During our conversation as we harrassed staff and shoppers in Tesco's 
I asked Stan for his opinion on a very important point ...... 

If you have a long term relationship with a  'Rent boy '  ....Would they then become a   'Mortgage boy'      

See things are back to normal     : D

Got a fever, the mother of all headaches which is making me feel sick, I'm shattered because I can't sleep and I dont think there is a part of me that doesn't ache
 And I am in work why?
Well lack of options really
It was either come to work or stay in the twilight zone... this was the lesser of the evils
(Although I did leave SFS there this morning with similair symptoms) 
I still can't get on livejournal from home which is frustrating

Everything is falling apart..... including me !

I have a temperature of 102 at the moment so I am not sure if this is rational or rambling but everyone I know at the moment is in a varying state of distress or is ill for one reason or another.
When I see how stressed and isolated they are in their struggle for a small amount of happiness in their lives, when I see the pain and illness caused by letting people in, it makes me wonder sometimes why we bother!

I wish anyone who is struggling to exist in this hell we call life 'peace' or at the very least a quiet place to sit and relax and just be yourself without judgment or expectations.

But ultimately I think dormarth</lj>is right feelings and conscience should be locked up and the key dropped into the nearest ocean.

What you can't feel can't hurt you!

Can't get onto my journal from home which is just the icing on the cake this weekend.
Apart from the fact I can't seem to sleep I feel horribly detached from reality at the moment and so cold.
Most of the time I hear and feel the chatter around me but now everything is quiet, like I am watching someone elses life. I am not used to my head being this quiet its eerie.
I have the almost uncontrollable urge to scream just to see if I can hear it but that would just confirm my madness.

One very unusual thing has just happened, I have just been given an unexpected gift, a beautiful opal necklace from someone I hardly know.
It has the most exquisite colour of blues and golden yellows, it reminds me of a summers day it even felt warm when I put it on.
Maybe it will help to thaw me out.....

I am sitting inside :(
On a beautiful sunny day
While others (who shall remain nameless.... dormarth )
Are swanning about at home in the garden
Lets hope he knows the difference between a flower and a weed
although judging by some past boyfriends ..... :D

The biggest problem with hot sunny days is that we open the windows and assorted wildlife enter...
this morning a poor defenceless bee was subjected to 28 hysterical year 7s all trying to swot it.....
As the hapless insect homed in on a particularly obnoxious individual..
"miss.. miss..Its gonna sting me!"
(said while child is flapping arms wildly at helpless insect)
"Its a bee it wont sting if you stand still"
"miss why arn't you helping Amy"
"well I can only please one person per day unfortunately today is not Amys day and I have to say tomorrow isn't looking too good either.
Blank look

There are days when I wonder why I bother

excellent meeting again last night
After presenting dormarthwith a very appropriate T-shirt I had spent most of the day making with the help of my friend in DT. 
Her year 11s must have wondered what the hell we were up too, we were laughing that much, especially when she realized the innuendo in the text :p
If you see it you will understand I think dormarth has put a photo on his blog.
Anyway after the official handover our meeting descended into our usual degenerate discussion although there was a hint of Theology.
Okay the gist of the conversation was,
Dyke being older ( Hhhhmmm) dies first!!
When dormarth finally shuffles off he arrives in heaven to find God quivering in a corner whimpering
“Don’t hit me”
dormarth ( being an observant poof )
notices the double eye patch and cute dog ( with harness )
Flicks God in the groin for final confirmation and hearing the resonant tone of ceramics concludes….. 

“Ah the Dyke was a little displeased with her allocation”

Disembodied voice…….( Don’t forget the strong Birmingham accent )……

“We don’t mention that name here, its forbidden....It makes God a little ….distressed” 

dormarth…..”well next time make sure I get here first, that way he would only lose 
his bollocks, 1 eye and an ‘Archangel’ : )

We have such interesting meetings

It would appear I cant do anything right! 
(ooh never saw that one coming!)
if I show I have my own opinion about the slightest thing I am critisised
I get the burning martyr routine,  like some petulant child
why does it always makes me feel incredibly guilty
How,,,,, please tell me ,,,,HOW does that happen?

I have come to the decision that alcohol is not synonamous with a quiet life

Life is too short!
So let battle commence :p

What can I say about our night out???
dormarth went back to see some old work colleagues and I tagged along thinking it might be a giggle.
Well where do I begin about a group of judgmental; self opinionated; Intollerant; ignorant; biggots!
(In a minute I will tell you what I really think :p )
sorry dormarth I have never been made to feel so out of place and unwelcome!.
To give you an idea of how bad it was we came home at 10...
yes I did mean 10pm not am.
I am being a little unfair not everyone ignored me, but the rest....well
All I can say dormarth if you want to chase a contract back there in the Autumn watch out for the Dyke help desk manager, I think she has already formed an opinion about you and I don't think she wants to take you home to meet mummy and daddy!!!
and my first clue was?
might have been when she told dormarth off for calling me 'the dyke'
I have to say I waited for the savaging but he was a good poof and just laughed...
Something about not being the most oportune moment
Okay her card is marked
(Can I be there to watch when the time is right please?) :p
Anyway next time we go out dormarth lets stick to our own kind please....

To give you some idea of how bored I am .....
Its only 7pm and I am already wasted
I spent most of the day re-writing the lost business plan
Then I went to kick seven shades out of dormarth's unco-operative network
That didn't help either
You know what I need????
I seriously need to get layed.....
one way or another............
any takers??? :p
In the event of no takers  :(      Now I will have to wait till Friday night
Me and dormarth  are gonna go out on the town and hopefully we will bring something nice home with us..
(unfortunately last time all we brought back was alcohol)
Oh God that means we are gonna go after the same cute guys...
Okay I have a cunning plan....Kill the poof   :p
I know you may think this is a little exteme, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I need to eliminate the competition ----
now where did I put that quicklime..?...
Oh alright......if you want to save the poof.....
Make the dyke happy....
Not an easy job I know......but necessary .....  PLEASE!!!!     :o

Watch this space for updates

Well its only 3 days into the holiday and I already want to bang my head against a wall to relieve the boredom, and after tomorrow I will be alone in this rapidly expanding twilight zone called 'home' and I have no vodka left ......
So the two options open to me are, screaming or murder
I will know by next week which one I opt for
(Note to self) make sure dormarth has enough cash to bail me out :)

Some good news
dormarth is speaking to Matt again which has lifted his mood a lot
and fernweh has escaped his megalamaniac boss and starts a new job in May.

Its nice to know that some people seem to be finding a little happiness and getting their lives back on track
I wish I could find some.

Well I managed to fit through the hoops of my assessment yesterday, I really must try harder if I want to get sacked....
In my defence it means more money and my need for retail therapy and shiny things is at an all time high :p
Today has been a very odd day though. I think there has been a shift in the twilight zone to include school. The year 7s are particularly bizzare, I can only assume it is due to the overdose of chocolate.
One little munchkin who actually does spend most of his school days away from the planet Earth has a tendancy to lose concentration and fiddle and be distracted by the smallest thing.
Pieces of blue tack, toy cars iether whole or in bits, pieces of pens, bits of rubber, varying sizes of scrap paper, pencil shavings, string.....you get the picture. What amazed me was as fast as faast as you take one thing away from him something else appears from his pockets. We have come to the conclusion he has Tardis trousers and they are filled with undisclosed quantities of tatt and rubbish. So if I disappear might be a good place to start looking!
Still we are all ready for a two week holiday now including the chocolate overload.
so happy Easter :)

I really didn't want to go to work today, but I wanted to stay home less.
The boss was noticable by his absence, so haven't had a chance to find out whether the rumours are true about the little fucktards not geting kicked out permanently.
It would appear that we cannot touch or hurt a pupil without serious repercussions, but these students can spit, swear and physically hurt teaching staff without fear of any consequences
The government made sure schools have heavy financial penalties if they try to rid themselves of these students.
This is good for them, as it discourages the permanent exclusion of very disruptive pupils that they would be bound by law to find/provide alternative schooling for.
As they have closed all the specialist schools and put all the nutters in mainstream (another cost cutting exercise called inclusion) You now get the situation that if the schools management are weak (oooh let me think is ours weak YES!!)
The lunatics run the asylum.
I am not surprised that there is a shortage of teachers and that a lot are leaving the profession in droves
Don't get me wrong there are a lot of wonderful kids at my school
Unfortunately they are constantly overshadowed by mouthy, arogant, ignorant oxygen wasters
If they don't want an education to get on in life? Fine! go away and leave the good kids to get on and be the best that they can be, instead of constantly having to sit and wait bored while teachers deal with these obnoxious little gits
As you probably guessed my stress levels are still off the scale
I have the headache from hell
fucked kidneys from drinking too much over the weekend
And to top it all I was told today I have an assessment interview on Thursday OH JOY !
Is it any wonder teachers have the highest incidence of alcoholism, illness and stress
I loved my job but thanks to these few individuals, its time to go :(